My word for 2016 was TEND. I remember sitting around a table with other women in January and sharing my word through tears, fatigue, sadness and fear. I knew in my spirit that 2016 was going to be a year of pulling back, saying no, reprioritizing my life. My goal was to “quiet my life and my relationships” as written in my Powersheets. I had no idea what that would entail.
It turns out that tending looked a lot like pruning. I had envisioned tending as a gentle watering of my life, adding the fertilizer of good things, and nurturing growth. God had a different plan in mind for me. He began a work in me to prune my life of priorities, habits, beliefs, and patterns that were unhealthy, not producing fruit, and hindering growth in myself and my family.
Pruning hurts.
My faith felt quiet and dark, silent and confused. Ways that I had viewed God, ministry and relationships were exposed and crumbled without the clarity to quickly move to health and wholeness. I had to surrender. Surrender to the dark, to not being able to save myself, to trust His work, to receive my worth and identity based on Christ and not on my strengths, my service to others, my availability, generosity or thoughtfulness. When all of the good in you feels gone and you wonder if you are loved, stripped and without performance, you find that God does love you.
I felt the quiet of the Holy Spirit nudge me in November that my word for the New Year would be WAIT. I thought, “that’s about as non-productive and unsexy as it gets.” I am by nature impatient and often impulsive. My motivations are often driven by fear or anxiety so I move fast. I demand closure, answers, and clarity, but God asks me to live open-handed, to trust, to be free in Him. I live much of my spiritual life in the land of the “will”, doing and doing for God. This year is an invitation to learn to wait and to be with. Presence.
After so much tending and pruning, it is now a season of waiting. Wait for His presence. Wait for the growth. Wait for the fruit. I am a producer, and He is showing me again that I cannot produce connection, fruit, maturity. That is His work and His timing and I wait. I Corinthians 3:6 says, “I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God gave the growth.”
A few days ago I looked up synonyms for the word “wait”:
linger, abide, pausing, rest, on hold, halt, interim
It’s a state of expectancy, of hope, of readiness, availability. And of course, the Scriptures, especially the Psalms, are filled with the word “wait”, and my goal is to write down one verse a day that includes “wait”. Nothing fancy, only copying it down.
Henri Nouwen says, “To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life. It is trusting that something will happen to us that is far beyond our imaginings. It is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life. It is living with the conviction that God molds us according to God’s love and not according to our fear. The spiritual life is a life in which we wait, actively present to the moment, expecting that new things will happen to us, new things that are far beyond our own imagination or prediction. That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control.”
Live content in the now. That’s where I am, and although a challenging journey, there is no other place I would rather be or any other lesson I would love to embody.
How about you? What is your word for 2017? I love hearing the intimate places where God leads His children. Our journeys are each unique and yet we walk together. A divine and beautiful mystery.
Interesting, my word is Wait also. I’ve been reading and praying on this as I tend towards fears, anxieties, and self power, the I can do this on my own thing…
Yay, a word buddy!! I can’t wait for a new Henri Nouwen book to come out in May called “Waiting for God”. Do you have any good book suggestions?
Sounds like a year of advent.
Only once have I chosen a word of the year. I think I don’t do it for the same reason I’m not a dreamer or a hoper or a goal-maker. I’m just so afraid of disappointment that I don’t even want to begin. I remember being in college being asked what my dreams and goals were. Nothing. (that’s not entirely true, when I shared my dream of being a wife and mother I was laughed at and told I shouldn’t have taken up a spot at UNC) Just last week I was challenged for being 45 and having no life goals (after being asked where I would be living in 10 years). So, that’s me. Verbally journaling in your blog comments.
Gah.
I get that. I have never been a long-term dreamer or hoper but I definitely am a short-term one. And I find that there is great joy and great pain co-mingled with that. I’ve had some serious dreams dashed the last two years and man, the grief is rough.
Aimee, I can hear the gentleness that you are receiving from the Lord…it’s expressed in your words: the gentleness that He’s giving and that you are receiving. So that you can be gentle with yourself. I love the images that the “wait” synonyms bring to mind. Incidentally, my word of the year is “heal.” In 2015, my {sometimes} spiritual director told me that “the waiting time is healing time.” Hoping for your own healing to take place as you wait. I am going to follow your example of shoring up verses with your word of the year in them. I will begin looking for “heal” verses tomorrow.
I love that “the waiting time is healing time”. That gave me a lump in my throat! Yes, learning to be gentle with myself is so dang hard. I have such high expectations and feel so disappointed when I don’t fulfill them.
My word is “content/contement.” Your story reminds me of my own. I chose the word “Fruitful” last year thinking I was going to do big and beautiful things and that grow and abundance would color my year. Instead God showed me that true fruitfulness comes from a heart of faithfulness and that sometimes being fruitful means there are things going on beneath the surface that cannot be seen. And if I did not abide in HIM first then I would bear no good fruit apart from him.
I, too, live with so much fear and anxiety in my heart … I want things decided yesterday. I’m a woman of action. But in that I push God out of the way. I want to work on these faults this year … I want to learn to be content and at peace with the life God has given me … even if it or the things that happen in it are not picture perfect like I want them to be.
Pruning is uncomfortable, but it’s done with such grace and mercy … the Lord wants better things for us than the things we have our hearts set on … I hope as you wait this year that you uncover loads of beautiful treasures along the way <3
I resonate with contentment too! I think of Psalm 131:2 that says: “Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself, like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk. Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.”
Aimee, I have been reading your blog for years, but your writing this past year has really been a blessing to me. I’m sorry for the pain this process has been for you, but thankful for your example and writing. Your writing is always thought-provoking for me and swirls in my brain for days.
I didn’t choose a word for the year, but I do have somewhat of a theme. If I named it, it would be “TRUST in the Lord and TEND to your family and home, Part 2”. 2016 was Year One of this, but this year is going deeper. We are moving out of state, which is going to move me from a church I love and all that entails. I know the Lord will have a good church for us in our new location, but I know it will take awhile to make friends, get involved, etc. I know that part of my year will be helping my family adjust to a new church, new surrounding, etc. We are planning to buy a house after renting for five years. I have been happy and content renting. We have been blessed with two wonderful homes here. But, I am excited at the thought of making a home a little more ours. I love your idea of writing down one verse a day related to your word. I may borrow that idea.
If you don’t mind sharing, did pruning involve anything online? I have been wondering if I need to prune some online activities. Not because they are bad. But, I know one prunes bushes and trees so that they are healthier. Sometimes I wonder if I should cut out Instagram or check FB only once a week and use that time praying or reading good books or something else more important. I would love to chat with someone about this. Your words about pruning “habits, beliefs and patterns” has me thinking.
Do you feel the Power Sheets are really worth the money?
I have been pondering a lot the last few months about “transitions”. You know transition in birthing is the most difficult, painful time…the time that a woman doesn’t think that she can go any further and yet the birth is so imminent. Give yourself a lot of grace and space during your upcoming “transition” to grieve the old while watching for the new!
Pruning involved not using the app “Voxer” anymore for communication with friends. And my new rhythms for 2017 will include no social media before noon and an unplugged Sabbath from Saturday evening until dinner on Sunday. I also unsubscribed from many newsletters and products and stopped following social media accounts that tempted me towards doing ministry and serving when I know I wasn’t supposed to. It’s important online to curate what you are taking in on a regular basis. I have read over and again the past few months that we become like the five people we hang around the most and so that shows the subtle influence we have on others and they have on us! I need to follow women online who are very positive about living well, purposeful and with meaning. Women who are living well with their children in an intentional, non-legalistic way.
Powersheets are most certainly worth the money for me. I say that it’s the same price for an hour of counseling and way more effective! For me, the monthly tending sheets aren’t the gold…the gold is the personal prep work that you do to figure out how to set some good goals: purposeful, meaningful rhythms so that I don’t waste time on the wrong things. What I write down I revisit often and find so much growth and meaning in my days as a result.
I have contemplated these past few days, deactivating my fb. I find there are a certain few that antagonize my soul. Some intentionally on their part, which is mean and hurtful.
A few years back, I was free of social media. It was wonderful. When I was realizing that I would reach for my phone as soon as I awoke, and Check my social media accounts, I realized there was a problem. My FIRST attention should be greeting Our Lord & His Mother.
As I type this, I realize that my contemplation is over. I will delete FB.
But I will choose wisely those on Instagram who inspire me and make me want to be a better wife and momma. Not out of a competitive spirit. But out of a calm that is represented in the glimpses of their lives. Both pretty days and not so pretty days.
Thank you Aimee for your voice. I’m so blessed to have found you!
Aimee, I am really trying to give myself grace and space. I just told my husband last night that I am not trying to be “mother of the year” or “homeschooler of the year” right now. I didn’t even share with you the biggest challenge (and thing to drain my emotional bank account) right now. When I drive away from here later this month, I will also be driving away from my 19 year old son. So much could be said about this! I cry often. So, I am in the midst of trying to get him settled here, deal with letting go of him and all the emotions involved with that (and the worry and trying to learn to trust God with him), in addition to all that is involved in my regular life, as well as getting things ready to move. Thank you for your reminder to be gentle to myself. Tears even now.
Thank you, also, for the good ideas for boundaries for the internet. I am setting some for myself. Would you care to share some of the ladies you follow that are wise and encouraging? The Lord keeps bringing that quote about the five people to me. I am stepping back to see who I might need to follow less and who could help me more at this time. I look forward to continue reading your wise and gentle words this year.
I think whom we each follow is so personal. Triggers for me aren’t the same for you or for others. It has more to do with what that account triggers in me that may absolutely bless you. I have so much spiritual baggage in my life that I have to stay away from overly enthusiastic Christians or ones that tempt me to find worth in quiet times, ministry, and service. Those are all great things, but the wrong focus for me right now. It’s like an alcoholic with a drink for me. I am working on spiritual sobriety.
I will say that Lara Casey and her Instagram stories encourage me a lot right now. She had a very challenging 2016 but walked through it with authentic grace, purposeful and wise choices, and a spirit of gratitude instead of overwhelm. I always love Emily Freeman and Edie Wadsworth although I don’t like how they both seem more product-driven/business this past year. I can only listen to homeschoolers if it’s deep summer and I am trying to regain inspiration. I usually find that with Julie Bogart at Brave Writer but can’t really follow the rest of the year.
Makes sense! Thanks!
Hi Aimee, so good to hear about how God has been lovingly helping you to grow in unexpected directions. And I love the word ‘linger’ in that definition, it has such a positive, warm feel to it, the way you linger with friends in those last minutes before separating, or you linger in your favourite bookshop, or linger inside before heading out into the cold (the song ‘Let it Snow’ comes to mind!).
My word last year was LEARN, and boy, did I learn. However, it was mostly professional and personal development, and it was such a busy year that sometimes I had trouble seeing God in it, although I knew he was the author and initiator of everything that happened to me last year, and that what I achieved/survived, and the joy that I felt in it all, was only because of Him.
I haven’t got a word for 2017, but I do know that it needs to be a year of reading the Word and praying more. Now that (I hope) I’m over the steepest learning curve, I need to come up for air and breathe deeply of Him this year. (Perhaps that will be my word? Breathe?)
Aimee, firstly, sorry if this almost duplicates a comment I tried to send earlier, will try to remember it all but please delete this if the other one came through. It seems that if there’s an error with the comment loading or not filling out the form properly the whole comment disappears 🙁
Thanks for sharing how God has been lovingly growing you in different directions. I love the word ‘linger’ in that definition, it has such a positive, warm feel to it, the way you linger before parting from friends, or linger in your favourite bookshop, or linger before heading out into the cold.
My word for 2016 was LEARN, and boy, did I learn. However it was mostly professional and personal development, and sometimes it was hard to see God in it, although I was very aware that he was the author and initiator of everything that happened to me last year, and it was only through Him that I achieved/survived what I did, and through Him that I felt the joy in it all.
I don’t have a word for this year, and expect plenty more similar learning is headed my way, however I’m hopefully over the steepest learning curve, and am now placed better to share God’s love with my colleagues and students. I feel like I need to come up for air at last, and breathe deeply of God’s word and be praying a lot, so perhaps my word should be BREATHE?
I love the word Breathe! I think that the Holy Spirit in Hebrew is actually “breath”.
Yes, isn’t linger lovely? I might linger on meditating on linger…lol 🙂
Learn sounds like it was the perfect word for last year. It takes much humility to remain a learner as we age. Much growth is a such a blessing when so many stay stuck!