The gentle stirring towards the deeper way continues in my soul. I am discontent with the shallows I have been swimming in, but the pull of addiction is an hourly war. I know what I want–depth, intimacy, slow– but the power of my iPhone screen is mighty. The quick fix of connection, the addiction to Instagram inspiration, the numbing escape from the here and now, habits made over the years.

I have FOMO–fear of missing out. That I’ll miss out on the life announcements of people I care about on Facebook. I’ll miss out on the minimalism boho beauty from photos of homes, tables, food. I’ll miss the content of my favorite online creators, the funny Stories and memes that lighten my day. I look to these online spaces to quickly fill holes and aches in me that takes greater time to find in books, courses, podcasts, Word, prayer, newsletters, conversations. Lighter, quicker but not high-quality, meaningful, or deeper. Social media nurtures my impulsivity to spend money, to be ADHD about my tastes, desires, and focus, to question my path + purpose + productivity. I fear to feel alone, disconnected, unseen, which is ironically how I feel online anyway, but the illusion keeps me coming back.

I rarely blog or craft or create anymore. These things take time, and my brain is trained for fast and instant. The slow work of the hands doesn’t give the dopamine hit that a quick scroll of Instagram does. This reality saddens me and yet I feel trapped.

I love the season of Lent. 40 days of invitation to repent, listen and fast from something in order to make space for the Lord. I know my call is to walk away from my personal Instagram account and from Facebook to make room in my heart for healing, space to breathe mentally and emotionally and to allow my short-circuited brain to rest. I desire greater times of prayer, thinking, writing, face-to-face conversations, creativity, and clarity. My truest desire is for intimacy, with God and others, in richer, truer, sturdier, and vibrant ways.

I will be using this Prayer guide and this devotional book. I also signed up for these weekly Wednesday videos for support in the journey. How about you? What resources will you use to guide this holy season? What patterns of living do you feel trapped to that aren’t serving your spirit, soul, and body well? Where can you make space for healing, light, and conncetion?